I’ve been thinking about how to write this blog post for a while now. Unwilling to call myself in any shape or form a happiness guru, and knowing just how annoying it can be to be lectured by others on something so shifting, so personal, I have spent a lot of time mentally writing and rewriting this. So here it is finally, not preaching or lecturing, just saying; and not from any kind of guru, but simply from a happy human being.
But what do I mean when I say happy? I don’t mean lucky, although I am very lucky to be able to lead the life I do. And I don’t mean that my happiness is directly affected by others, although I do have friends and family surrounding me who make me very happy. I don’t mean either the happiness waiting around for somebody else to complete me, like I’m not a whole person.
I mean the I am a perfectly complete and happy human kind of happiness. And it’s not just that I keep telling myself that I am happy, but a true, deep happiness which is so strong that at times it threatens to knock me off my feet. I’m the girl randomly smiling to herself in the street, crying in the car on the way back from work because that Bon Iver song is so beautiful and the moment is so perfect, dancing around the kitchen like a weirdo when nobody is home. I’m the girl as happy, if not happier, to be by herself than with others. And if that makes me strange, than so be it.
Maybe it’s all the talk in recent months of personality types – the endless conversations I’ve had with friends about my Myers Briggs results and how reading about my personality type has changed how I view and understand myself, and the world around me. Maybe it’s the fact that I now know that I’m capable of anything: I’ve travelled by myself, I’ve moved to another country by myself, I’ve done everything I’ve ever said I would do. I know my limitations too, but I know how to test them, how to better myself as a person and how to stop saying no and start saying yes.
And maybe it’s all the reading and thinking about mindfulness that I’ve been doing. About how while it’s great to have wonderful friends and aims and aspirations in your life, it’s also unhealthy to depend youself entirely on these people and these goals. About how you should live always in the moment – and not in the horrible YOLO way – but in a way which allows yourself to realise that by anchoring yourself to your body and mind in this world at a given moment, you will understand everything a little clearer, realise how lucky you are, just exactly who you are.
I once heard someone say that they told themselves everyday that it was the best day of their life. Maybe it’s a bit cliché, and it’s certainly not always true. But everyday you live is a day you’re experiencing new things, new thoughts and feelings, and whether good or bad, happy or sad, everyday changes you in some small way. To say everyday is the best of your life is to live in the present, not the rose-tinted past, nor the shiny future, but in reality and in reflection of your existence as it truly is.
And to conclude such a floaty and airy blog post? Don’t look for happiness in others, or in external factors. Look for it in yourself, choose to be happy, and you will understand. Horribly cliché, gut-churningly cheesy, I know. But undoubtedly true. Take it from me. 🙂